One of the reasons I bought a Smart car was because I was always backing up into something in my wife's Avalanche. Today, I proved that it wasn't the Avalanche that was at fault.

I was so proud of myself for pulling headfirst into a parallel parking space, without having to back into it.
When we got out, I checked front and back, and was pleased to see that I had TONS of room front and back. I was parked right in front of this crowded sidewalk cafe, and I looked up to meet the eyes of just about everyone there, staring in amazement, I imagined, at the superhuman feat of parking they had just witnessed. My reaction was an involuntary Barney Fife smirk, pants check, and swagger into the cafe as I clicked the Smart lock on my key (eek eek eek) over my shoulder, without looking back.

When we had finished breakfast, I was intent on demonstrating that the Smart can get out of a parallel parking space with the same ease it got in. In my mind's eye all that space in front of me and in back of me was still there. Unfortunately, while we were gone, some jerk parked his bra-faced muscle car about a foot and a half over the line, into my parking space. So, more preoccupied with showing off than with driving like someone with a license, I backed into the bleeping thing - into the license plate, to be exact. I know it was the license plate, because there was the shape of a license plate in dust on the bumper of my Smart. Apparently, the jolt knocked the dust off the license plate and onto my Smart, which explains the little scratches on my Smart right where the screws are on the actual license plate. It also explains why the license plate was the only clean thing on the muscle car. The screws were completely undamaged.

While inspecting the damage, I could hear a little indecipherable murmuring on the sidewalk, with the occasional twitter, but I didn't look up. I couldn't. There is nothing more humiliating than backing a Smart Car into something in front of a crowd of witnesses, who undoubtedly were all thinking that only a certified ass could do that. If it had been a comic book story, there would have been a collective thought bubble over all their heads saying "How smart was that?"

You know, I named my Smart "Bruiser" as a joke, and in fact have ordered some personalized plates to display the name. Maybe I should check to see if it's too late to change the name to "Bruisee."

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Comment by Ryan on March 23, 2009 at 9:55pm
yea, i watched that one quite a while ago, Kevin, and i don't find it surprising at all. some people just can't drive..... and it's even more scary to watch said people's attempts at parking. Especially those that think parking lots with empty spaces are speedways to get to the front of the store faster.
Comment by Ellie on March 22, 2009 at 9:33pm
LOL! And what IS that about people parking over the line next to our smarts?! I have two photos of cars straddling the white line into my parking space where I work. When I got my first car door ding I started parking in the last space against the curb as far from the line as possible. Do people think that means they get extra space?!
Comment by Monty on March 22, 2009 at 9:15pm
Sorry, I didn't notice the make of the car, other than it gave me the overall impression of being a muscle car. I'm not very good at identifying cars under the best of circumstances, but I'm miserable at it when all I can think about sawing off the part that is sticking into my parking space. But it must have been pretty ancient, because it appeared to be made out of metal.
Comment by Ryan on March 22, 2009 at 8:39pm
i'm assuming by "bra-faced".... you mean it has one of those vynil bra's on the front to "protect" the car from dirt and stones flying up from cars in front, even though it's crying murder to the paint below it anyway. If so.... it's not like he's made the greatest decisions with his car anyway.

Out of curiosity.... what kinda muscle car?
Comment by Stephen D. King on March 22, 2009 at 7:54pm
I've learned to never show off in public.

find a

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