One of the reasons I bought a Smart car was because I was always backing up into something in my wife's Avalanche. Today, I proved that it wasn't the Avalanche that was at fault.
I was so proud of myself for pulling headfirst into a parallel parking space, without having to back into it.
When we got out, I checked front and back, and was pleased to see that I had TONS of room front and back. I was parked right in front of this crowded sidewalk cafe, and I looked up to meet the eyes of just about everyone there, staring in amazement, I imagined, at the superhuman feat of parking they had just witnessed. My reaction was an involuntary Barney Fife smirk, pants check, and swagger into the cafe as I clicked the Smart lock on my key (eek eek eek) over my shoulder, without looking back.
When we had finished breakfast, I was intent on demonstrating that the Smart can get out of a parallel parking space with the same ease it got in. In my mind's eye all that space in front of me and in back of me was still there. Unfortunately, while we were gone, some jerk parked his bra-faced muscle car about a foot and a half over the line, into my parking space. So, more preoccupied with showing off than with driving like someone with a license, I backed into the bleeping thing - into the license plate, to be exact. I know it was the license plate, because there was the shape of a license plate in dust on the bumper of my Smart. Apparently, the jolt knocked the dust off the license plate and onto my Smart, which explains the little scratches on my Smart right where the screws are on the actual license plate. It also explains why the license plate was the only clean thing on the muscle car. The screws were completely undamaged.
While inspecting the damage, I could hear a little indecipherable murmuring on the sidewalk, with the occasional twitter, but I didn't look up. I couldn't. There is nothing more humiliating than backing a Smart Car into something in front of a crowd of witnesses, who undoubtedly were all thinking that only a certified ass could do that. If it had been a comic book story, there would have been a collective thought bubble over all their heads saying "How smart was that?"
You know, I named my Smart "Bruiser" as a joke, and in fact have ordered some personalized plates to display the name. Maybe I should check to see if it's too late to change the name to "Bruisee."