For those of you who live in Jersey or have lived there, these things may
come as no surprise. For those who haven't travelled there before,
Beware, Be Prepared and Be Afraid,,,, Be Very Afraid.

1. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON. The evening rush hour is
from NOON to 7 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.<

2. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway
it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Sissy.." (Just ask the
Governor of NJ)

3. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go
second; However, in Monmouth and Burlington counties, SUV-driving,
cellphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cursed
out, and possibly shot.

5. Never honk at anyone. EVER ! Seriously. It's another offense that
can get you shot.

6. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey . Detour
barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle
of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

7. MapQuest does NOT work here -- none of the roads are where they say
they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes
are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.

8. If someone actually has their Turn Signal ON, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally

9. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone,
you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

10. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for
Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday appointments, and right
after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.


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Comment by Robert Stout on April 14, 2009 at 2:30am
#11. Always drive with a personal injury tort attorney in the passenger seat...
Comment by tommyk on April 9, 2009 at 7:00pm
so very true who wrote this you see this is smart center in englewood nj and i keep telling people they are right on no bullshit with these guys they tell it as it is..... ok sally how was that not can i get the extended warranty for $300.00 bucks? lol tom kennedy
Comment by Ryan on April 8, 2009 at 2:17am
Yeah.... kinda reminds me of Billy Connolly's one stand up routine, where i think he was talking about the majority of people in California.

People have said to me "These people.... "have a nice day.".... they don't mean a BIT of it". And i tell them "Well.... what would you prefer? Would you rather have them say "Have a nice day" and not mean it, or "F*** off" and mean it?"
Comment by Alan Brask on April 7, 2009 at 11:40pm
I just LOVE Ken's contribution... the same could be said of Chicago.

Do you know how to ask for directions in New Jersey?
"Can you tell me how to get to the NJ Turnpike or should I just go f*** myself?"

Comment by Ken Wagar on April 7, 2009 at 9:30am
Do you know how to ask for directions in New Jersey?

Can you tell me how to get to the NJ Turnpike or should I just go f*** myself?
Comment by Ryan on April 7, 2009 at 1:20am
freakin hillarious. Though i kinda wonder if i might be able to win #3 on your list. Jeep Wrangler with an AMC 304 V8 conversion, only using headers and glasspacks.
Comment by trip on April 6, 2009 at 11:27pm
all true but you forgot the back road shore routes all the out of state people take and drives the locals crazy.

find a

smart center



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